notes from rehearsal, 20 July 2009
These are not really designed to make sense as such. They are more of a sketch of some things that we did (moved, talked about) …
“meeting and making an entrance”
ecstasy - the ecstatic (I talked quite a bit about my experience of Nico Vascellari’s performance at Marina Abramovic presents …)
demystification - through this sharing process, but also in relation to Luke Jennings’ review in The Observer on Sunday.
boredom - of avoiding it, of not allowing an audience to experience it. In considering boredom as a state of ‘not being able to make meaning’. See A Philosophy of Boredom.
Colin mentioned a bow, a chant. I spent a lot of the afternoon/evening bowing to an imaginary audience. Thanking them.
Whilst watching Colin I thought of his profile (Nijinsky’s Faun?), of a push towards the symbolic (as in, ‘this action symbolises this thing’). He seemed to like finding physical constraints (e.g. locking parts of his body) in order to find something to ‘solve’ in his improvisations.
Colin: “What’s more interesting than you the viewer?” (unveiling of the viewer in mirror).
Head back, hands to chest, legs turned inwards - broken, fragile
Crawling, solving a physical problem
Pointing at audience with eyes closed - pointing them out.
Purpose, the purpose of an activity. The commitment to an activity. “There’s this leap of faith” when commitment exists beyond belief.
Colin: “What is it that is broken that you want to repair in this relationship?”
(I immediately thought of race). We talked about this - about the fundamental need (at some point) to deal with my whiteness and Colin’s blackness.
Colin: “What do two people need?” - to connect (I struggle with this word … what does ‘connecting’ mean? It has been appropriated by social networking.
Colin: “How honest and simple we can be about this need to connect?”
Meetings. Greetings. Embraces.
Simon: “So what are we doing? Are we making a work here?”
Colin: “How to repair trust? Can I make it all better?”
Colin: “Your sense of privilege is embodied” (talking about my skin colour).
We distinguished (awkwardly) different types of activities: those that “depended on an audience” and those that were autonomous. Colin described the former involving a “language of need”. I asked, “need of the other”?
We talked about autonomy and attachment. Between us and viewer, and between us.
“Commitment to reach the other that turned his/her eyes away”
Colin talked about the Binding of Isaac - each footstep more heavy, and more committed. Not understanding is critical to commitment. Not understanding makes it more important.
“stretching the limits of expectation” – Goat Island (Small Acts of Repair)
Colin: “commitment is about what happens beyond belief … when there is belief there is no commitment”
This seems important with respect to two relationships: the one that is being built between Colin and me, and the one that we are building between the audience and us.
“challenged by something unbelievable about us … the obstacle is then making a leap of faith”
“I get it (that is, it’s not possible to get) … now’s the hard part” …
We discussed Suture.
Colin: “When hardship comes, this is what it boils down to” – commitment, faith …
It’s remarkable really how we ended up where we did on this first day. We seem to have fallen into concerns that might be called essential. But we have also given ourselves some very difficult problems … problems to do with representing these concerns, with not denaturing the uncertainty and vulnerability of being by presenting it so transparently.
But I think I am getting ahead of myself.
